Friday, April 30, 2010

TEBOW


Tebow as a Bronco.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Rays Win, Bill W feels like Bill W

Rays win again. This is the second game I have been to this season the one that was their opener, and tonight. They are 15 and 5 now, the best record in Baseball.
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I love living in Tampa. Rays games, Buffett Concerts, Other concerts, Bucs Football, Restaurants and bars, Beaches, Hockey, Gasparilla, Storm Football, Busch Gardens and water parks. Gainesville is only 2 hours away to see my kids, or watch Gator Football.
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Truly love living here and tonight was just a great example of why. Seriously, I don't even like Baseball that much but I am coming around to it.... Go Rays. ----- I was telling my friends the other night that I felt like me when we play softball. --- I also felt like me tonight. ---- I feel like me alot in this city.

Monday, April 26, 2010

A dichotomy of awesomeness and boringness

Buffett Rocked it out this past Saturday Night. and then On Sunday I bought some new pillows.
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-- Saturday was tailgating, drinking some beers, eating some good food, going to a Buffett concert..... It was awesome!
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The highlight of my Sunday was buying myself some new pillows and throwing away the other two pillows that I noticed were kind of worn out. My life is both Awesome.... (see Saturday) and crap.... (see Sunday)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A pat on the back to an ad agency somewhere

The World Cup commercial is excellent. It really is moving and makes a broader point. Very well thought out advertisement .... The one month, every four years when we all agree....32 Nations... --
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Hell, That commercial makes me think I might even try to watch some soccer ! Its just that good of a commercial.
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Seriously though, I will not be watching Soccer....But that commercial made me think about it for a few seconds, so good job ad agency.

Tebow is a Bronco.... and Hooters waitresses are generally hot.

An exciting day for the Billster. Huge Tebow fan here, and I recently got engaged with an NFL team to be a new fan. ---Before last night I had just loved the NFL in its entirety - mostly due to my obsession with Fantasy Football, but last night, it changed. I told an NFL team that I liked her. -I like her A WHOLE LOT. Even passed a message to that effect, like I was in the Eighth Grade.
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Don't get me wrong, the Fantasy Football aspect of my life is still going to make me a bit of a whore when it comes to the NFL.
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Its not like College Football where I am true to my Gators. The NFL is like going to a hooters restaurant. You still love your Girl (College Football in General, and the Gators Specifically ) but you cannot help yourself in also loving all the beautiful Hooters Waitresses to the extent that they are just HOT. Gorgeous women in small ass shorts and tiny tanktops -- Except last night I chose a particular Hooters Waitress as being one of my favorites.
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She was wearing Orange Running Shorts with a white top, and she was hot, much like all the others are hot, except this one was exceptionally, magnificently Hot.
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She has a little Tebow as part of her persona. She is the Hooters Waitress that I perceive as one day being on the cover of the Hooters Calendar. She is the Hooters Waitress that will end up being on a billboard as you drive into the city. What city you ask? let me tell you. ---Its the PRO BOWL/ NFL CHAMPIONSHIP CITY. Hell, as far as I am concerned that City might be the Pro Bowl/ NFL championship City / Hall of fame City..... Sure she might need to bring you some beers and a pitcher of water and some of those Curly Fries first, before she is headlining Billboards on the highways leading up to that City, But even NEW YORK CITY started out being traded for 24 dollars in beads.
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There are tons of Hooters Waitresses that are out there, including the Current Three headliners that live in New Orleans, Indianapolis and Foxboro. Soon though (relatively speaking) I think you will think of the Hooters waitresses from those previously mentioned Cities along with that One Waitress that resides in Denver Colorado.
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To one extent pretty much all NFL QB's Line up under Center the majority of the time, and all Hooters Waitresses wear those silky little Orange Shorts. What differentiates the Big Time Famous Hooters Waitresses from all the others? ---Its how fast they deliver those Hot Wings and Curly Fries while simultaneously getting the check exactly perfect. Marino would put a plate of 911 wings on your table so quick your nostrils would start burning before you even realized the bird was on the table, and Montana would have your check layed down exactly where and when it needed to be there. ---Same thing with this New Bronco's QB. I believe the Check will be accurate, but if there are a bunch of Drunks in the bar causing trouble in the form of NFL defenses, This particular Hooters Waitress will be cool and collected and get you your Pitcher of Beer even if a Bar fight is going on around her . She has proven to me that she is not only hot but also a hell of a waitress and just a damn good human being.
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Signed,

Hooters all over the world are similar, but some individual waitresses are better than the others.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Bronco's are Genius for picking Tebow!

A friend of mine just texted me a question. He asked: "John Elway who?"
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The Bronco's just got the man, and Mel Kiper can kiss my ass. --Is it Karma that they traded away Brandon Marshall so Tebow could have his number 15? YES IT WAS!
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I lived in Denver for one football season back in 1990 and followed the Broncos back then. You can be damned sure that I will be following them again this season. Sure I wont see every game, because I will be at the Bucs game for some of them, but I am betting the Bucs play primarily in the one o'clock slot and the Broncos play in the 4 slot. -
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I don't necessarily even believe Tebow will be the starter this year. It will take him a year or so until he is ready, but I don't doubt that he will have some packages, especially in short yardage situations. I am so happy for him!
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Hey Bronco's Fans. I am new to this, being a Bronco fan and all, and I hope you dont judge me for my bandwagon-ness. Also, my daughter is coming on board as well my son too. Pretty sure their will be thousands more just like me and my kids . We will be a subset of bronco's fans. We will be like those Jewish People that believe in Jesus Christ. We will be like vegetarians that eat meat. We want on that band wagon even though the rest of the riders might not like our reason for wanting to be on board.
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TRAIN OF THOUGHT ON THE NFL DRAFT- part 3

South Florida GETS A NUMBER 1 PICK in Jason Pierre Paul. With a name like that he should have played his ball at LSU-- I do believe that is a first for South Florida ! Good for Jason Pierre Paul! -- Wow that was cool the way he did a back flip from a standing spot.--- like that pick for the Giants.
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Probably just me, but the only guy that has been drafted that I have never heard of is the Jaguars stupid ass Al Davis type of pick...Mr. My last name is just a mess load of vowells -- Hope the kid can play, and to be fair, Kiper knew about him and said that he believed he was a first round pick, just not as high as where he went. dont forget though Kiper is a DWEEB
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Tebow watch is ON now... How awesome would it be if he goes before Clausen ...
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Go Gators -- Maurkice Pouncey is the second Gator to go ! --- Steelers made a nice pick! I predict he will start as a rookie and will have a long career in the NFL!! - They already have Max Starks up there at Tackle -- probably have two Gators on that offensive line.

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Is it me, or is this thing Flying by? - I really hope Tebow goes tonight.
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Erin Andrews is just so damn hot-- So is jenn Brown

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Dez Bryant would have been a better pick for the Broncos than this kid from Ga Tech but it does make sense because of that trade of Brandon Marshall to the Dolphins. (that they would get a WR)

The coverage by ESPN so far has been outstanding.

Dallas got some value with that pick of Dez Bryant at number 24.

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DENVER BRONCOS JUST MADE THE STEAL OF THE DRAFT! ---MY NEW FAVORITE TEAM! THE DENVER BRONCOS! - HE CAN BEAT OUT ORTON AND HE CAN BEAT OUT BRADY QUINN. PLUS ORANGE AND BLUE STILL IN STYLE. PLUS THE BRONCOS JUST TRADED BRANDON MARSHALL SO THE NUMBER 15 IS AVAILABLE. -

FIRED UP! GO GATORS! GO BRONCOS!










TRAIN OF THOUGHT ON THE DRAFT part 2

Again, Just me, my lazy boy, my T.V. tuned into the NFL draft, and my computer and my blog... Train of thought as we go through this selection process...
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First I totally stole this from Mike and Mike in the morning, but I need some music to listen to while I do my train of thought blogging while watching the NFL DRAFT so because I think it is perfect, here is ABBA -- Take a chance on me
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Okay, Still think Mel Kiper is a dweeb -- but he basically invented that job of his and was one of the keys to having draft coverage like this... Back in the 80's this just wasnt done, now it is HUGE... so Dweeb yes, but did he do a really cool thing in becoming in essence the first "Media Draft Guru" -- His job is basically to watch both College Football AND Pro Football... I want that job... Maybe he is a dweeb but he is a cool dweeb thats for sure...
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"You think Denver is trading back because they are targeting TEBOW?" Bill Wonders to himself.
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Brandon Graham is a good guy -- LOVE that pick for Philly and Gruden is Not kidding about the kid having a motor....EXCELLENT Comparison to Freeney by Gruden. GRUDEN IS SO DAMN GOOD AT HIS JOB and I think the Bucs were crazy to fire him. Love him in the Monday Night booth but I want him back on an NFL sideline somewhere for his sake...
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As we go to commercial, Seattle is on the clock -- They are one of the 3 or 4 teams that have been the most visible regarding Tebow.... Could it be?
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SERIOUSLY -- I am Loving the draft on a Thursday Night, I do not feel guilty at all for sitting on my ass and watching it like I have in the past when it was on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
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WOW -- I presume that is Earl Thomas' mother sitting next to him and that is an UGLY ass dress she is wearing. Looks like something a woman might get married in if the year was 1864 or something.
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DRAFT OBSERVATIONS - TRAIN OF THOUGHT

I apologize up front for this post. You really probably dont want to read it because its just going to be train of thought as I watch the NFL Draft and will therefore seem to just go on and on with no real point. Fuck it though, its my blog and I can do what I want, So here goes:
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- Rams take Bradford... pretty sure even soccer fans in rural China knew Bradford was going to the Rams if they did not trade the pick. No Drama here
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Nice TidBit of info on that SUH fellow the Lions picked up second. Berman throwing down the knowledge on the meaning of that first name of his "endomeken" (sp) -- it means HOUSE OF SPEARS... Pretty cool... Wait, WHAT? the Lions picked SUH with their number one pick? I thought it was a law with them that they have to take a Wide Receiver Number 1 --oh that was in the Millen Regime ....
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LOVE THE BUCS PICK -- already loved it before the draft started as everyone pretty much knew the first three picks would probably go the way they did, but LOVE it even MORE after watching how HAPPY that DUDE IS ... YOU Can tell he is appreciative and humble and will be a Great NFL DT -- THEN HE BASICALLY SACKS ROGER GOODELL when he walks up on the platform. I LOVE IT -- Hope he moves into my Neighborhood somewhere like JETER!
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DAMN --- REDSKINS take Trent Williams -- 3 0f the first 4 picks are SOONERS ... DAMN that was a good team the Gators beat for the National Championship.
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FIRST GATOR TAKEN JOE HADEN --WOOOHOOOO- Loved that kid ... His Younger brother just signed with us to play some safety and there are rumors his other brother who was a sophomore running back at Boston College last year may transfer... ITS a love affair with the GATORS -- also he has a little brother that is in the 8th grade.
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MEL KIPER IS such A Dweeb....Down on Tebow and High on Clausen? thats crazy talk... wherever Clausen goes ... That city is going to have major Douchiness as part of their daily weather forecast.... "Going to rain today, also, Clausen is living in our city so the level of Douchebaggery is again High" --- Full disclosure, I do think and believe he can play, just that he is a douchebag
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WHAT? the Raiders made an EXCELLENT first pick... McClain is a FLAT OUT FOOTBALL PLAYER! I guess even a broken watch is correct twice a day...
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CJ SPILLER to the Bills -- Good for them -- True story -- he went to Clemson because they offered his best friend a scholarship as well .... his best friend was a wide receiver on that Columbia High School Football team who was getting offers from minor second tier type of colleges.... CJ SPILLER is my prediction to win Rookie of the Year... (unless Tebow goes to a place where he has the opportunity to start)
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I must not have been paying attention WHEN DID AL DAVIS STOP PICKING FOR THE RAIDERS AND START PICKING FOR THE JAGUARS? --- Alaulau? -- a DT from California? Seriously? Probably be a starter on the all Vowel last name team. though he does have that going for him...
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Softball update 4/21


CLEARWATER-- The originals got back on track last night, posting a 10 to 4 victory over the last remaining undefeated team, Helmet head Heroes. They are undefeated no more.
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The Originals hit slightly better than they had in the previous two weeks, but on a comparative basis, our defense was outstanding, and was the true catalyst behind this victory.
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The errors that we did make, were spread out through the entire seven inning game. In Hack league softball, errors are going to be made, the key is not to bunch them together, and last night we were as un-bunched as we have ever been, with the possible exception of that one time the morning after all that tequila and late night taco bell visitation.
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We are slumping a bit at the plate, but there were some signs that we will be standing up straight soon. We are vertebrates, and the spine has to start fighting off the jelly fish blob thing we have been working recently. Ten runs in a full seven inning game though, is really just not enough. Of course, it is better than the 4 runs the Helmet heads put up, so we had that going for us. Plus, Team Statistician Lacy, did point out my chiropractic approved non duck looking feet, what with all their straight forward pointiness. "Hey your feet point straight forward! and all these other muckheads have some kind of outward duck thing going on" -- It is one of my BEST qualities! Thanks for noticing!
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Kid might not be smart, or good looking, but I will be damned if he doesn't have forward pointing feet, plus none of us actually wore a batting helmet up at the plate.
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In Summary - I have forward pointing feet, we were un-bunched- error wise, Hitting was slightly better, and no-one on our team wore a batting helmet to the plate. The Originals are 4 and 1 on the season and tied for first place. We may also have the tiebreaker to be the top seed at this point.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

NFL DRAFT ANTICIPATION




Fired up about this new draft format being in Prime Time instead of Saturday and Sunday afternoon Like all of the previous NFL Drafts in the History of NFL Drafts. I will be waiting by my phone for one of the 32 NFL teams to pick me once again, like I do every year at draft time. Even Promised my Boss today that when I do get picked I was going to do the correct thing in giving a full 3 weeks notice.
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In a way I am like Linus, except my "Great Pumpkin" is getting drafted into the NFL. Linus always ends up sitting in a pumpkin patch with his Blankie on Halloween, and I end up watching way to much "Draft Coverage" on beautiful Saturday afternoons in April. Except NOT THIS YEAR! This Year It is going to be different, because this year the Great Pumpkin WILL SHOW UP ...Or at the very least, I probably wont waste my Saturday watching the late rounds of the draft because I will get my fill of it on Thursday and Friday night. Thursday Night is already a night that I usually watch T.V. anyway, so it will fit into my schedule perfectly. I will go to a Sports bar Friday Night I am sure, and it will be on in the background. Saturday is all about Jimmy Buffett for me, but I will have my cell phone in case they don't call till then.
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Just a beautiful alignment of Football draft coverage, Blankies, Sports bars, The Great Pumpkin and Buffett.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Jimmy Buffett on Saturday


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Saturday is the Buffett concert -- Love me some Buffett. I once got in an argument with Jimmy, which is kind of a cool thing to do in a sad kind of way, because really, who wants to be arguing with Jimmy Buffett about anything? I didn't want to argue with him, but I also couldn't justify him getting what he wanted at that particular time either.
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It was the Late 80's and I was working as a Rental Car Manager. Buffett wanted to rent a BMW Convertible from the Miami location and drop it off in Key West. He didn't want to pay the drop charge so I told him no. I honestly can't remember if he ended up paying the drop charge, or if we gave him another car that he could drop. (The specialty cars were owned by the Miami Franchise and if they were not returned to our location we had to incur the expense to get them back to Miami)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Who is John Gruden?

Last Friday Night was all about going to Chuck - E- Cheese with my kids. On the way home as we were talking, I told my daughter about sitting next to John Gruden at a traffic light a few weeks back.
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I told her: "I was at a stop light and John Gruden pulled up next to me in his BMW 650 Convertible. He was in the Left Turn Lane and I was going to go straight." "at least I am 99% positive it was John Gruden"
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My Daughter seemed very excited and Said: "Oh my gosh, you should have followed him to make sure!!"
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I said: "Well he was turning Left, and I was going straight, besides what would be the point of following him?"
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She said: " You could have made sure if it was him?.... Wait.... Who is John Gruden?"
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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

An existential view of tonights softball loss.

You can choose to look at the softball game we played tonight, and think to yourself, Damn, Werther's Originals suck. I can see that. We played pretty god-awful tonight. In fact, If you look at this game AND the last game, We played horrible both nights. Yes, We won the game last week, but that doesn't mean we should have, Last week we came through in the clutch when it mattered. The Tobe Meister had the hit to cap off the 6 run rally that we needed.
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This week, we never even smelled a clutch situation that we could come through, if we had wanted to. We just got drilled. Our clutch was bottoming out on the floorboard of the proverbial Old man's car we were driving, and on top of that, we had the emergency brake grinding out our rotors, Plus our air conditioning was blowing hot air and our radio was set on some kind of classical music bullshit.
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I don't see it that way though. I choose to look at the "Big Picture" I think of last weeks close win, and this weeks ass kicking, like our softball season is a Major Motion Picture.
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No decent movie ever goes start to finish with the guy getting the girl, the hero vanquishing the villain, or the sports team going undefeated. NO, the heroes always face some adversity. Tonight's loss, and last weeks close win, is like the narrative arc for our softball season. We needed the setback to make the ultimate League championship that we are destined to achieve, have some value. ---Some Meaning as it were. To give the ultimate goal a little character. ONLY the 1972 Dolphins go wire to wire without a defeat, and no one named Griese is quarterbacking this team. Mercury Morris cracked open a bottle of champagne somewhere in South Florida tonight because of the beat down we took.
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If this softball season is a Girly-ass love movie, the first two weeks were when we establish our studliness and got the girl, and the last two weeks are when that same Girl, our proverbial hot chick, decides we are kind of a douche bag and breaks up with us. -- The rest of the movie and the rest of the season is how we will make amends for our douchiness of the last two weeks. Particularly our inconsistent hitting. During the first two weeks we totally appreciated the hot chick that was our hitting, but during the last two weeks, due to our douchiness, we were all checking out the hooters waitresses while we were on a date with our hot chick. Just, simply put, not focusing. just total douchiness in a non hitting kind of way. It was like when Goose got killed in the training exercise in that movie Top Gun. Tonight was when we got the Goose killed.
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Maverick lost his confidence, and his hot ass girlfriend who was the technical adviser to the Top Gun Academy (Kelly McGillis) but later on in the movie, he shoots down a bunch of Russian Migs and he puts on the brakes and lets them Fly right by them. Tonight the dudes from the other team, (Smack My Pitch up) They are like our Ice Man. They beat us down in a game of proverbial Beach Volleyball while showing off their abdominal muscles, but later on this season they will tell us that we can be their wingman anytime when we save their ass, (or for this analogy, Kick it) We will tell them how THEY can be our Wingman.

-Our team is like Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman. We may be Prostitutes and all, but Our Hitting is like Richard Gere climbing the ladder and facing his fear of heights to pick us up in his limousine because he knows, us winning the championship is just like a prostitute that ends up marrying a billionaire. Our hitting is the billionaire in all of us. Each of us has it in him and Richard Gere is like our hitting. It will find our inner whore that is each and every one of us and pimp us out to the green grass that is line drives hitting the outfield.

So, No, I don't see this loss, or last weeks close win as a setback, I see it as the key to appreciating winning the championship and to make it that much sweeter. I like to drink my coffee black, but I want my championship seasons to have a little sugar

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bill Gets on the Rays Bandwagon, Beats the Rush

BILL'S LIVING ROOM---Watching the Rays come back tonight on T.V. against the Orioles, Down three to nothing in the top of the 8th and they go up 5 to 3, only to give back 2 runs in the bottom of the 8th. It goes to Extra innings and in the top of the Tenth, Pena hits a three run BOMB -- Now just hold it!
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They do hold it, giving up a meaningless solo homer in the bottom of the tenth to win 8 to 6, and now their record is 5 and 3. I do believe this year will find the Billster actively following these guys. I am on the band-wagon right now. Drinking the coolaide as it were, went to the opening day game and hope to see about 10 more or so this Spring and Summer. Hoping it serves well to pass the time until Football season brings her glorious ass self back. GO RAYS!

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Bacon!



Love me some Bacon, Made some this past weekend for my Kids and then Ate about 2/3 of it before they realized it was a competitive situation for getting your bacon fix on. They rallied well though.

The one where Bill Bitches about taxes

So our government is all: "Pay me some money because the 15th of April is coming up." I am all like: -- "Okay, since you have all the cops and all the Jails and stuff, Plus I do think that at least for our military, there is some value to supporting that, I will pay you this money that you want me to fork over." "How Much Do you want? " OUR Government is all like, "DUDE, Why don't you figure out how much we want? Use all these complicated forms and stuff and then do all that math and shit, and whatever you come up with, THATS how much we want, Unless of course we don't think it is enough. and then we will fuck you over real solid like"
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I am all: "WHAT THE FUCK, JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WANT FROM ME?" "Quit messing around with all this BULLSHIT and JUST TELL ME?"
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And the Government says "Hey Bill, you just figure that shit out and tell us how much you owe Okay? and if we think it is enough, OR if we just choose to let you slide, then that is what we will do, but if we think we want a little (Bill Scalp), then we will take it from you. " You have a beautiful Head of Hair Bill, and if we want to cut it off from the skin above your skull like that movie, Inglorious Bastards, then we will. "
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Taxes can KISS MY ASS. Its Money I Earn and it is going to the government, because they are a big bully. They choose to spend it on the military, which I am okay with, and they spend it on some infrastructure, and again, I am okay with that, but they also spend it on all kinds of other stupid shit that they really should not be spending it on, including this new stupid ass health care. (Okay not this money YET, but they will)

Friday, April 9, 2010

"How To Train Your Dragon"- a movie review

Meagan Fox is hot. I know, Captain Obvious here.
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She bothers me though to a certain degree.
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One of the things I do as a father, Is go to bad movies. Its really part of my job. Its not in the manual they give you before you become a father, though.
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Meagan fox was in that movie TRANSFORMERS. The excruciating pain I felt sitting in the movie theatre for 2 hours or so watching that flick, created a Mal-Association in my head with Megan Fox. Intellectually, I understand its really only my association with Megan and TRANSFORMERS, that drives my disdain for what is otherwise a beautiful, and I am sure extremely nice woman. (My Son wanted to see that movie so bad, so we did and because of that I unnaturally don't appreciate Megan Fox as Much as I am sure I otherwise would)
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I first discussed the ridiculousness of some of the movies I have gone to see Here: http://stuffyouthinkyouneed.blogspot.com/2009/01/as-i-get-older-i-have-something-to-look.html which was my cathartic release for having gone to see "Hotel for Dogs" with my kids back in January of 09. That movie was worse than even TRANSFORMERS. (My Daughter had wanted to see that one)
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So last night, I put on my metaphoric overalls to go and roll around in a compost machine so to speak.
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Both my kids wanted to see the new release: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON.
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Okay, Know what? I was in my Overalls and ready for it, but this wasn't like rolling around in a compost at all. In fact it was good. It was like a beautiful Fall Saturday in Gainesville.
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Maybe not perfect, but still just damn nice. Like A Fall Saturday when the mighty Gators play Florida International. You are not looking for any kind of a classic on a Fall Saturday like that, but say the weather was a perfect 68 degrees and all your friends were out in full and you did not have a damn care in the world type of good.
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Its a cartoon, but they draw you in with the animation right away, and its not like you forget its a cartoon, its more like you are not conscious of it because it is fast paced and kind of bold on your eyes. The Story doesn't even take long to warm up. You are into that world after about the first minute and a half. Its just a DAMN CUTE MOVIE is all I am trying to say. Like Meagan Fox ! but in the good way, not in the psychological associated way I had previously thought of her. It was the key to unlocking and changing my whole opinion on Megan Fox. In effect, this movie, HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON, is good enough that I forgive Megan Fox for being in that dog of a movie TRANSFORMERS, because I NEVER EVER would have gone to see HTTYD if I did not have children that I wanted to take.
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Seriously. You could safely go see this movie even if you don't have kids. Its that good of a flick. Plus when the Porn Industry ever does a spoof on it, they don't even have to alter the title.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Softball update

CLEARWATER- Werther's Originals are 3 and O on this new season. Tonight's game was like Last night's Rays opener, what with the doubles and all in the last inning to pull off the walk-off wins.
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The Tobe meister knocked it in with a pea to center field. All night we struggled at the plate. But not the Tobe-ster, not on that particular at bat. He was clutch, just like Carl Crawford was on the previous night in beating the Orioles.
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Previous to the Tobe Meister's knockout blow, a man was almost killed. Okay, That may be a little dramatic, but the umpire did ask him if he needed to go to the bathroom cause the Pee was scared out of him. Ben was standing on Third when a ball was crushed down the line. All he could do was drop to the ground as the thing Whizzed by his noggin. Later after composing himself, He said "that was an angry ass ball and it might have actually been cursing at me as it whistled by my mellon"
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Friday, April 2, 2010

A hello to the Month of April

Hello April -- You magnificent bitch of a month. April and December are the two most expensive months we have. In April there is the MFing IRS to deal with, and of course December is when we have been trained by advertising and our culture to buy all kinds of junk for other people.
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April does have April Fools day though. That's good. Best April Fools Joke that ever got me is between The SIDD FINCH story that Sports Illustrated pulled and the time my daughter rigged to have me read a year old Newspaper.
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In 1985, I was in College and my Sports Illustrated had an article about this guy named Sidd Finch who could throw a baseball 156 miles an hour. It was about a 3 to 5 page article, complete with pictures. It talked about how Tibetan Monks taught him to channel all his energy into his arm when he was throwing. It talked about his fear of accidentally killing someone if a ball got away from him. - It was in Sports Illustrated and I did not notice it was the April 1rst edition. I was so excited about watching this fictional dude pitch I could not contain myself.
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A few years ago when I was still married I had a newspaper subscription. My daughter who was probably 8 years old or so at the time, conspired with my wife to pull an April Fools day trick on me as well. They had gone down to the newspaper plant and bought the April 1rst edition of the paper from the prior year. They switched it up so that was the paper I picked up off our lawn before heading on my way to work. At lunch time I immediately opened up the sports section and started reading about the world of sports. after a little while I realized it was just an old version and I was like DAMN, I cant believe the Gainesville Sun would mess with their readers like that. Only when I came home did I realize it was not the Gainesville Sun at all, it was my kid and my wife! ---Good one !
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This April also has some cool things. This Tuesday I am going to Opening day of the Baseball season (home opener for the Rays) That will be awesome! Next week is spring break and I will have my kids for a couple of extra days! Adventure Island is open and i think we will do a little water sliding! April 24th is a JIMMY BUFFET concert, and tonight is dueling Piano's at the Howl at the Moon.